so in 2 days, I get to see my boyfriend. it may seem like “oh whoop dee do.” but I haven’t seen him in over a year. I’m so excited to see him. I honestly don’t even know how I’m going to react.. he asked me how I would. I told him that I didn’t know if I’ll be so overwhelmed and cry or cry because I’m happy or just laugh because I missed him or just hold him and never let go. and honestly, I’ll probably do a combination of all of those things. I’m so fucking happy and excited to see him and I’m just glad things are starting to settle in.
Nothing beats this kind of intimacy, when it’s about 3am and it feels like you’re the only two people in the world. There are no words or intentions, you’re just happy lying next to each other knowing that you never want to do this with anyone else. Just to consider that you’re each, essentially, a bag of bones and organs and muscles, and yet you’re both so much more than that because you’ve found each other and suddenly everything makes so much sense.
i struggle between wanting to stay up late and wanting extra hours of sleep
"text me when you get home so i know you’re safe" kinda people are the people i wanna be around
Self love. This isn’t something I am used to. I usually hide my body in any way I can. For the longest while I wouldn’t even open my eyes when I took a shower. I wear layers upon layers at work because it’s cold and I feel the need to hide my body. I have had a strong dislike of my body for far too long. This is the only one I have. So why not love it now? Why not love it before I make changes to it? Why not love the only body I am ever going to have?
I feel society tells everyone to look a certain way. As a woman, I have to have large but perky breasts, a small waist, a flat stomach, and thighs that don’t touch. The fact of the matter is, I have none of that. I am small chested, have an above average sized waist, I have tummy rolls, and my thighs; those bad boys touch whether I’m sitting down or standing up. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a good body? No.
I can do so much with my body. I can eat food. I can draw. I can walk for miles and much much more. I can do so much more than I think I can. Just because my body isn’t stick thin does not mean that I should not love my body.
I may not love how my body looks every day, but I did today and I took advantage of that. I just want to remind myself (and everyone else) that there is beauty in everything. There is beauty in your tummy rolls, in your hands, and your feet, and everywhere in between. You are beautiful inside and out, and you should love yourself for that. You should love your body for that and everything it does for you.
1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.
2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.
3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.
4) Learn to say no. No - to a movie you don’t want to watch; no - to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no - to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest - learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.
5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you - not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to - it’s self-preservation. Instead - learn from them. Do it as well.
6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.
7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness."
do you know how scary it is to acknowledge how strong your feelings are for someone and your brain is like “maybe you love them” and you’re like SHUT THE FUCK UP BRAIN YOU DONT KNOW SHIT